Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
