you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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