I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
