You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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