His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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