it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
