just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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