i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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