Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
