I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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