Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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