I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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