Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
FUCK WHALES
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
