Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
