I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
