he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
