Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
