I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
