Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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