I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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