Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
