we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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