I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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