Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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