Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The uberlube is also flammable
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everclear isn't food dammit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
