So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
