Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
