tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
