So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
