This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
