1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
