Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how drunk are you?
Several
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
