My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i think my cat just said my name.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
