She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
