Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why do cheetos always look like penises
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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