You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
