I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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