i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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