so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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