she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
