Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
