one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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