she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
