The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She bit a glass in half.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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