Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
