I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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