are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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