1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i came on her dog
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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