Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize