And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
