you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His nipple licking is glorious
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