Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
