Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
