That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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