Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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