The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
