i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
