ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
