I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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