I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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