HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize