haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
