Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
