you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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