i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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