just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
