Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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