I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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