did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
