i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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